MANY WOMEN WANT TO TRAIN THEIR HUSBANDS AND LOVE THEIR CHILDREN. IT IS THE OTHER WAY ROUND; LOVE YOUR HUSBAND AND TRAIN YOUR CHILDREN
-Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo at Recharge
Conference 2021, Global Impact Church on the topic: ‘UNFORGETTABLE’.
Pastor, the first millionaire in my ministry, first ever millionaire, this was when you will see Youth Fellowship, like Pastor said he used to come to our fellowship.
Great millionaire, hardworking guy. The guy, when he was still in university, was already in millions, driving a car, paying house rent, sponsoring his other siblings in the University.
This guy used to give in millions in fellowship then but he always tell me, Pastor when you do relationship meetings, I am not interested but when you do business meetings, call us.
Truly, he was interested in business meetings, he wasn’t interested when I talk about marriage.
He had two failed marriages and there is no surprise to that because when you buy books and you learn, you are investing in yourself.
I tell people, why do we have successfully engineers that are unsuccessful in marriage?
Why do we have successfully doctors that are unsuccessful in marriage?
The reason is simple, the lawyers, engineers, doctor spent seven years studying law, medicine but zero years studying marriage. So where you invest is where you harvest.
I have never read a book on marriage but you want to marry, what are the chances you will succeed? Where you invest is where you harvest. So there are a lot of books here, I don’t want to waste time on the books.
There are a lot of my books here that will bless you and Pastor Godman talked about his Apps and website, there are lots of materials that can help people everywhere, please take advantage of it. Is somebody getting what I am saying?
Take advantage of them.
Glory to God.
One other book here that I like to always talk about is A-Z of marriage.
It is our best selling book, my wife and I wrote the book. Church Gist. We discovered that men and women struggle in terms of understanding each other. That is where most of the problem lies actually because men want to treat women like men and women want to treat men like women. Not realising that opposite generally attracts.
The first opposite that attracts is the male attracted to the female.
It is abnormal for a male to be attracted to a male, it is not normal.
So everything about us is different. Men and women are two different creatures. Are you here somebody. We are not the same beings at all. The materials to make men and women are totally different. Men came from dust, women came from rib.
That’s why men are rugged and women are refined. That’s why a man can wear a boxer for five days and still be smelling it if he can wear it one more day (men don’t laugh too much ooo, they will know our secrets) but the average woman will change her underwear everyday. Sometimes even twice a day. She is made refined from scratch.
The rib is one of the most polished bones in the human body but men came from dust. That’s why men are not afraid of dirt, they came from dirt.
A man can sleep in a room, if everything is scattered, there is a plate he used three days ago in the room, bed is scattered, books everywhere, he can still have a good night sleep. But to a woman, everything is scattered, it will affect her sleep, she can’t sleep well. Is somebody getting what I am saying? We are not the same being at all.
So my wife and I wrote that book. I coach the women on how to love men, because if I say husbands love your wives, what does that means? It is very vague, it means nothing until we put it into applicable practical steps and that’s what we did in this book titled A-Z of marriage. It is a very short, easy to read book.
Anybody can read it before you even get home today. We did it in alphabetical order, A-Z. I coach the women what love means to men and my wife coach the men what love means to women.
I told the women, A for men means acceptance. Men like acceptance, men have fragile ego so they like acceptance. This means that if you want to change a man, there is nothing wrong in wanting to change him but you must know how to change him because every woman wants to change the man they marry.
Men in case you don’t know, as a woman is sizing you up and agreeing to marry you, she already have in her mind, all the things about you she wants to change.
Women know what I am talking about. ‘…this his dressing, I am going to change it, this his teeth, we will file it so that everything will be straight.’ She has planned everything.
It is not her fault, she is a nurturer and a fixer, that’s how she is.
Remember when she came, she came as a helper, that’s why women don’t run from trouble, women run to trouble. It is men that run from trouble. If a woman sees a bad person, she will marry him, ‘I will fix him’ because it is her nature.
Men on the other hand, they see trouble, they run away.
Women don’t run from trouble, they go and fix the trouble. It is their instincts.
So I told the women, men like acceptance. So if you have things about your husband you want to change, the first thing is to first accept him. He needs to see you as an ally and not as an enemy.
Never confront a man head on, stay by his side and he will listen to you better.
His ears are by the sides not in front. So first give him acceptance. If he is eating and he makes loud noise, don’t come and say you are a bush man, stop eating like this. No…. Men are egoistic, he will resist you even when he knows you are right. I’ve seen many men said I will rather do the wrong thing than agree for her to control me. So accept him.
Tell him, honey, I like the way you enjoy your food. Haha, you dey enjoy this food.
This is why I like cooking for you but you see, when we go for Pastor Yemi’s Recharge Conference, don’t eat like this because they will laugh at us. You see as you have dropped that seed like that, he has gotten the message. Instead of saying, you, how can you at your age…
Many women want to train their husbands and love their children. It is the other way round. Love your husband and train your children.
It is Pastor Mildred that taught me that one. Many women want to train their husbands and love their children, if their child is doing bad thing, they will say, Junior, pick up your things now and they will help him to pick it up.
Train him, say Junior, go and pick it up!
When your husband drops the thing, you go and pick it up.
You can’t train that old man, his mother did not train him after 30 years, you want to start training him now?
Statistically, they said 70% of problems in marriage are perpetual, that means, they will never change.
So the earlier you change your mind and rest, the better for you. It is you that will change, not the problem.
Go and relax. Train your own children, love your husband. Anything you see in your husband that you don’t like, make sure your children don’t copy it.
Then my wife taught the men that A for women is Attention. Women like attention, so you can’t be in this game of marriage and relationship without learning the act of giving attention. Women thrive on attention. Everything a woman does is for attention. See their hair, clothes, the colour of their clothes, the shape of their clothes, it is one thing they are looking for; it is attention. So the one thing your wife is looking for, is the one thing you the man have sworn you will never give her. Give your wife attention. When she comes back, sit down with her and talk for no reason. She is talking to you, put down your phone and look at her, she likes attention.
Women are so wonderful, women are fertile ground, if you invest little in women, they will give you great harvest. That’s why if you give her peace, she will give you powerful peace. If you give her trouble, she will give you big trouble.
She multiplies everything you give her. So just give her that attention.
Those of you that are here and you are not here with your wife, after the meeting, during the break period, just call your wife for no reason; I am just checking on you, the conference is going on well.
When she comes back home, stop what you are doing, go and welcome her, go and hug her. Sit her down, say how was your day, what is happening? If she is in the kitchen, just go and stay with her, women like attention and when you give women attention, they will give you enough freedom. They will say go and do anything you want to do.
For the single people, let me tell you something quickly. Your single years are a blessing to you. Stop being desperate to leave single life. Pastor talked about that today. What I see many times, people praying desperately to come out of singlehood.
Your single years are a gift from God. Your single years are actually years you should be grateful for. Your single years are not years you are waiting to get married, your single years are years you are preparing for life.
Most of the world shakers both in the Kingdom and even secular, they all discovered their purposes when they were single and pursued it when they were single.
When you are single, the benefit of it is that you can give all the attention to your life and to yourself. Church Gist. From the day you are married, everything about your life is divided. It is easier to be happy when you are single than when you are married.
When you are single, you can do anything you want to do, when you are married, you have to consider the other person for anything you want to do and because opposite usually attracts, it is more difficult to be happy when you are married. It is easier to be happy when you are single. When you are single, you can eat anything you like, you can wake up and say I am not going to eat today, when you are married, you cannot make such vital decisions as to what dinner will be very casually.
Opposite attracts. Me, I like warm places, my wife likes cold places. When I enter a room, the first thing I do is to put off the AC but my wife will like to put it on. When you are single, you can spend money on anything you like but when you are married, you must give account of your stewardship.
Your single years are not as bad as you think.
Don’t let anybody put you under pressure to want to run away from singleness. It is okay to desire marriage but it is better to prepare for marriage and your single years are gifts for you to prepare yourself, not just for marriage but for life. It is a gift God gave you because once you marry, you will start sharing every part of your life.