IF MANY COUPLES WILL REVIVE THE FRIENDSHIP IN THEIR MARRIAGE, THINGS WILL GET BETTER
AS BELIEVERS, OUR MARRIAGES SHOULD BE LIKE AN EVANGELISM INSTRUMENT TO DRAW PEOPLE TO CHRIST.
Mrs Kemi Oyedepo at International Youth Alive Convention 2021
Relationship and Courtship: Marriage
Afternoon Session, Day Two
- However, friendship is not automatic.
- If you are going to have a deep friendship with your husband or wife, you have to be willing to go through the process of knowing them, understanding them, being a student of your spouse.
*Your marriage cannot draw people into the kingdom if there is no peace there, so still work on it and get the necessary counsel.
- COMPANIONSHIP AND FRIENDSHIP
This is intimate fellowship. He said, “it is not good for the man to be alone, he needs another human that he can relate with.”
Another human that he can have intimate fellowship, another human that he can have companionship with for life. Companionship, friendship is a purpose for marriage.
Proverbs 27:17, Proverbs 27:9
“A sweet friendship refreshes the soul” – Proverbs 27:9
In your marriage, are you refreshing the soul of your husband? Does your husband or your wife have a friend in you?
You know sometimes we can be quite official when it comes to marriage: “That is just my husband, that is just my wife”, but there should be that friendship aspect. That deep friendship aspect in a marriage. That is what refreshes the marriage, we are not just officially husband and wife, but we are friends. We can discuss things, we can joke around, we can laugh with each other. But you find in some homes, the wife is so stiff, husband so stiff, everything is so official, it doesn’t need to be so.
Remember Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. I talked about it already.
Two are better than one, they have a good reward for their labour. When one is cold, the other is there to warm them up. When one is down, the other is there to pick them up. That is friendship. If many couples will revive the friendship in their marriage, things will get better actually.
But no friendship is automatic.
Anybody that is your friend, you took deliberate steps in getting to know that person, getting to know their likes, dislikes, you took steps by rubbing minds together to understand their character. The same thing applies in marriage.
If you are going to have a deep friendship with your husband or wife, you have to be willing to go through the process of knowing them, understanding them, being a student of your spouse in other words. That is what will keep the marriage refreshed.
- SPIRITUAL GROWTH AND REINFORCEMENT
What is the purpose for marriage?
This is to add strength to something.
A Christian marriage should actually strengthen your spiritual walk. It is interesting that sometimes you find people before they get married, they are very spiritually on fire, very spiritually fervent. But by the time they get married, you find out that the fire just begins to fizzle out. It shouldn’t be so.
In a Christian marriage, your spiritual walk should actually be strengthened. You should actually be sharpening each other spiritually because when challenges come, you will need that spiritual strength to overcome.
Proverbs 24:10 – If you fail in the day of adversity, don’t blame anybody. It is because your strength is little.
Now if you happen to be a wife who is spiritually more on fire than your husband, then you have to be praying for him. It is not by nagging him, it is by praying for him while you still do your part. Because you nagging him is not going to make him spiritually sound. It will only push him away.
The Bible says if you are married to a man who is not of the faith, he can be won over by conversation, by your conduct, by how you conduct yourself. So if you have a spouse that is not yet spiritually matured, you can still win over, you can still win them over, apart from praying, by your conduct, by the way you speak.
In that particular scripture, it doesn’t say by praying and then there is a place for your behaviour.
Some people pray and pray for their spouses, “Lord touch his heart, touch her heart; change him, change her; then the next thing, when they see the husband or wife, they start insulting them. How will God answer such a prayer? If truly you are trusting for a change in your husband or your wife, then you have to ensure that your conduct aligns with what you are expecting.
If that is your case, I am speaking specifically to you, if you are married and you are on a higher spiritual frequency and you are trusting God for your spouse to join you, then the right thing to do is to keep praying, then your conduct is pleasing to God.
I already said that the people that are here should be close to marriage, so I am believing that you have observed the person you want to get married to well enough, to know that their spiritual walk is sound. You don’t make a mistake concerning that.
You don’t tell yourself, “Oh, it doesn’t matter.”
A lot of times when I am privileged to counsel, they will say, the love will get us through.” When they get married, they realized that it is not just love that is needed, it is more than that. Please ensure that if you are on the verge of getting married, the both of you have observed each other and you are 100 per cent sure. You are not going on what anybody has told you but what you have seen with your own eyes.
-You will not make a mistake in Jesus name.
- TO ILLUSTRATE THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN CHRIST AND THE CHURCH
Many times, we don’t look at this particular purpose. When Apostle Paul was speaking, “husband love your wife, wife submit.” When he went on and on from verses 32, he said, I am actually speaking about Christ and the Church. It is a mystery. It is a hidden truth
When he tells the husband, “you love your wife as Christ loves the Church”; “wife, submit to your husband as unto the Lord”, the common denominator there is Christ.
So he said, I am speaking about Christ and the Church actually.
A Christian marriage, a godly marriage should be a perfect illustration between Christ and the Church. The husband being Christ and the wife being the Church.
When I got that light, I realized that it means that a Christian marriage should have enough power to draw people into the Kingdom.
The same way you will stand and testify of the goodness of the Lord and that testimony draws men into the Kingdom, if the marriage is supposed to be a picture of Christ and the Church, then a godly marriage that is truly illustrating marriage between Christ and the Church should be strong enough to cause people to want to know God that is in that marriage. That should be our goal.
As believers, you know we are looking at the ‘Purpose and the Goals of a Christian Marriage.’ I have given you some purposes, it is not exhaustive list, but the main goal is that point number 5. As believers, our marriages should indeed draw people, it should be like an evangelism instrument in other words. It is not just about, “I just want to be happy, I just want to find the love of my life…” No, it is deeper than that.
“I want my marriage to glorify God so much so that it will draw people into the Kingdom”, that should be our goal. If that is our goal, it means, our feelings, doesn’t matter in a marriage. What I like, what I don’t like, it does not matter, because at this point, our focus is God. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take the necessary steps, like I said, God created marriage for our good, He wants us to enjoy marriage, I am not saying if things are not going well as they ought to be in your marriage, don’t work on that.
Your marriage cannot draw people into the Kingdom if there is no peace there, so still work on it, still get the necessary counsel, but my point is that should be one number one goal at the end of the day.
So in your marriage, if you are married, you and your husband, you and your wife, you sit down and understand this is our goal.
If you are about to get married, understand the goal for your marriage as a Christian. You know unbelievers have their own goal, but as a believer, your goal is that your marriage should glorify God.