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  • Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo at David’s Christian Centre Tagged ‘Pink and Blue’.
    Lift up your hands wherever you are and let’s give God worship, let’s give God praise. Thank You for this powerful series we are doing throughout the month.
    Thank You because it will bring refreshing, it will bring wisdom.

Thank You because it will make our relationships and our lives better in the Mighty Name of Jesus.
Hallelujah.I am so excited about this series for many reasons.

Like I said last week, it is not just the fun part for me, it is also because we are hitting at the core of satan’s attack against marriages.
You know one of satan’s attacks against marriages is that men and women are the same and it is so bad, he is even using people that are supposed to be Christians.
Men and women are not the same and they will never be the same.

That was why last week we started from a Scripture that talked about God’s work is perfect. Deuteronomy 32:4.
Because that is all they always tell us, that this whole thing is not balanced; Who said the head of the home is the man?
I want you to know that there is nothing God does that is unfair.

His work is perfect and His ways are always just.
So, if you look at it everything is balanced. The only thing you can do to something perfect is to make it imperfect.
You can’t improve anything that is perfect. All you can do to it is to make it imperfect.
So, we started to establish that men and women are different.
Everything I am going to be saying to you regarding this topic is going to be backed by Scripture or even by scientific fact.

No escape, anywhere you want to pass, I have that information here that will help us to get an understanding.
Alright? It will be backed up by Scriptures, scientific facts and statistics.
And I have told you, for the statistics, you don’t need anything too much that you are not aware of, just open your browser and you will see certain trends already playing out that will make you realize that men and women are not the same.

Last week, we dealt more with the fact that the number one need of a woman is love. And when we say love, it is taking care of her, showing her care. This is why most daughters are attached to their fathers.

Fathers are like their first love because their fathers give them covering.

So, actually, as a father, the way you will love your daughter is different from the way you would love your son. What your daughters will need from you is that affirmation, that covering, that protective covering.

That is why for most daughters, their father is their first love and the ones that didn’t have a good relationship with their Dad or their Dad absconded or was not there at all, the lady most times grows up to become something else which affects her.

She starts behaving strange in her adult age. Most times, there is usually this Daddy issue. They didn’t have that covering of the father so they grow up feeling not good enough, they grow up looking for love.

Some may even grow up thinking that their fathers left because they were not good enough and that may even affect how they see love.
And we said man’s number one need is to be respected.
And I have heard Christians say this is just a cultural thing.

And I am wondering which Bible are they reading. Because we read last week, Ephesians 5:33 (NIV). It is right from Scripture.

They always ask, where do you get it from? It’s from the Bible. did you get the one you are saying from?

Why did God among all the other principles of marriage narrow down to tell men to love their wives?

Why did God with all the millions of principles of marriage narrow down to these two things?
These are the two major things that will open the ground for other things you would still want to do.

  1. If a woman doesn’t feel loved, any other thing you are doing won’t make sense and if a man doesn’t feel respected, any other thing you are doing won’t make sense.
  2. It is because it is most likely what we are going to struggle to do.
    A woman’s biggest struggle is to respect a man and a man’s biggest struggle is to show love.
    Why? Because in our natural makeup, these two things are the hardest things for each sex to obey.
    For a woman, a woman needs to respect who she loves.

She needs to be able to look up to the person she loves. She finds it hard to separate the two. If she doesn’t respect you, she can’t love you and if she doesn’t love you, she can’t respect you.

She wants them to be together. That is how her mind works.
God is saying when you marry this man, he is not going to be perfect and women have the gift of perfectionism. Most women have it, they have a way they want things to be. Church Gist. They have painted these pictures all their life. The way they expect their husbands to be, sometimes these images come from movies, come from musical videos, come from the cartoons they have watched, come from sometimes their own parent’s marriage. She had seen her Dad; how her Dad was a provider, how Dad was strong and all those kinds of things.

The moment she marries the man and finds out the man thinks way slower, finds out the man reacts slower, finds out this man is not as great as the man she is admiring.

Her biggest challenge will be to still respect the man.
So, God was saying the secret is this, give that man unconditional respect. You may not always behave respectably but make sure you are always respectful to him.
She thinks faster, it’s a big drag for her.

For God to be telling a man, it means he is lacking. There are obvious things God did not tell a woman. God never told a woman to love a man.

A woman would do that naturally. It’s the respect part that is hard for her.

Let me explain if I am clueless as regards information technology or I am totally clueless as regards Facebook.

If I am working with Mark Zuckerberg, submission would be the easiest thing because he is smarter than me.

I know nothing, he will not need to tell me to submit, even me I will submit effortlessly.
I will find it hard to submit to somebody I feel I am better than. That is what most women are facing.

Most women because of the way God created them, their minds work faster. Women are more dynamic, women are incredible.

I have shared this many times. Women cheat as much as men, just that women are more smarter. Women are just sophisticated.

So, by the time they marry a man, they will find out that this man is too slow for them. They will now struggle to respect him. That was why God gave them that advice specifically.
Men, on the other hand, have same challenge.

A man’s biggest trouble is to love. Why? Because a man all his life grew up dealing with inanimate things. See when a child is young, as he is growing he is playing with gun, playing with truck, playing with ball, nothing human.
On the other hand, the lady is growing with dolls, everything human.
This will lead me to the topic of today but the man doesn’t know how to love.
Men don’t need affection kind of love, men need friendship kind of love.

In fact, the place in the Bible where It actually said men should love women, the love there is not the same kind of love we all think.

The love there is ‘phileo’, it’s friendship kind of love. Titus 2:3-4.
Men are not naturally affectionate or emotional beings, what men see as love is friendship.
They did an experiment, they threw some young men into a room, they just left them to just hang out.

They were monitoring them through a camera and all of that. All the men just naturally sat side by side.

They didn’t sit face to face, they sat side by side. That is friendship love, that is what men need.

That is why people on a bar are usually positioned like that.
Women on the other hand want to connect face-to-face love.

They threw girls and women there, same thing happened, they just turned the chairs to face each other and began to talk. They need to connect. You see the kind of love both of them need is different.

So where did these people get this satanic agenda that men and women are the same.
So it is not easy for a man to love that was why God gave him a command to love.

Men are naturally selfish, women are naturally selfless.

So, God didn’t bother to tell the woman to love her husband because a woman will love naturally any day any time but men need to learn it.

It is something men need to learn specially so God emphasized it.
I always share this story, If a woman gets home and there is one plate of food in the house and she has a family, she won’t eat that all, she will think of getting more for everybody.
If a man gets home and meets one plate of food in the house, the man will first eat the food and be cracking the bones.

A man will first take care of himself, he is not used to being selfless. Why? When he was made in the Garden, he was alone for a long time.
From day one that Eve came, there was somebody else to take care of.

Eve was an help meet by nature that is why she was created, so she is used to giving.
You will never see God giving men and women the same advice in marriage.
The reason why men want money and the reason why women want money is different.
Men want money for power. Nobody will respect them in this life without money.

So, in musical videos, men use the power of wealth. So what do men do in musical videos? They wear big chains, they spray money, they buy champagne. None of those things are their own but that shows you what is going on in his mind.

Women on the other hand, what do women do in musical videos? They use seduction power, they don’t spray money. Seduction power is not less than money power. There are places seduction power will enter, money power can never enter.

And there are places seduction power can never enter, it is only money power that can enter. They are not the same.

The thing that works for a woman can never work for a man and the thing that works for a man can never work for a woman.
Men are rugged, women are refined. Men came from dust, women came from a rib.
Women are not weaker vessels as people think, women are delicate.
I gave an example last week, men are like your Nokia 3310 phones. Some of you are too young to know what a Nokia 3310 phone looks like.

It is a phone that you can use for ‘attack’ and also as a phone. It is very strong, solid. If it falls from 30 floors down, all you need to do is to go down and couple it together, it will still work.

So, compare that phone to a new Iphone 13. If Iphone 13 even falls from your hand while walking, you might not recover it.

Women are refined. When it comes to use of soap, a man can use one green soap to wash his clothes, wash his plates, wash his car but that is not the same for women. Women have the soap they use to wash their face, another different soap for the hair, different soap for the body.

When it comes to cream, a man can use one cream but that is not correct for the woman. When it comes to a woman, that is when you know there are different kinds of creams.
Women are family-oriented and men are work-oriented.
As a woman don’t let anybody make you feel bad for being relational or family minded because that was why you were made by the Almighty God.

Stop letting this social media people, stop letting this confused therapists try to tell you to start competing or fighting with the man in the work place.

Of course, you can rise to any level you want, women are better managers. In terms of the work, women are better but don’t be confused about your goal post.

Genesis 2:15, after God created Adam, the first thing God gave him was work. That is why till tomorrow, most men first love is there work, you can’t separate a man from his work, that is where he gets his sense of identity, that is his love. Women don’t understand that.
On the other hand, the first thing God gave a woman was a husband.

The first thing Eve ever got when she landed on the earth was a husband. So till tomorrow for women, family life is very important. It can never be taken from them.

So women get their esteem from family life, men get their esteem from work. It doesn’t mean men will not want family, it doesn’t mean women will not want work.
When you meet your old class mates, this is how it plays out.

When men meet? “Kingsley, long time after school” the next thing is “what do you do? You just say, ” I am just looking for work” he is not going to ask for your number. He will try to avoid you. Men classify themselves by what they do.
Women on the other hand, you meet your old class mate, first question is “are you married now?
The goal post is not the same, don’t let anybody deceive you.
Genesis 3:1-17, God never said the same thing to the man and the woman.

Everything was going beautiful until ‘civilized people,’ started saying why should women sit at home? Before now, the family had more peace because then they were staying at home to take care of kids, to take care of the home and the men went to work.

And when he gets home from work, the woman is so happy to see him and he feels like a hero. He just went out there to fight, to hustle, to take care of his family, he feels like the Saviour of the body, he feels he is doing something.

They lived happily until civilization and confused therapists came and said the woman space should not be in the kitchen.

The economy became hard then women had to work. They were educated women, independent women and that is not bad ordinarily. But what started was that women will now go to work the way the man will go to work, they will both come back home and the man is expecting care like other times and the woman is like, “why is this man lazy? We both went to work.

She stops seeing the man as special. Remember what God told her in Ephesians 5 was to respect and reverence this man, that is going to be hard since both of them are going to work.

Sometimes she is even earning more than him, that one is even the worst.
Most ladies keep asking me, ” why are men running away from ladies that have money? Because you can’t save a lady with money most times.

So that man will rather go and marry a poorer person than him where he can still be the savior of the body. This is what men want. This is how God created him. This is why your civilization may sound nice to the ear but it is causing you bigger pain.

So she is finding it difficult to see that man as special. The man begins to feel less and less of a man in his heart. That is the impact, it is impacting the family system negatively.
And on the other hand, it is not favoring the woman either because these are things they won’t tell you.

What the feminist will not tell you is the impact of this campaign they are teaching you, that is what they won’t tell you.
It’s affecting women also negatively.

Men are physically stronger, not just physically stronger, God created men to deal with stress differently.

A woman was created more delicate and how her emotion functions differently.
In the workplace, men are dealing with deadlines, emergencies, those things release testosterone in men, that testosterone reduces stress in men.

So, men don’t mind those deadlines, hard work and hustle. Men even brag about it.
On the other hand for women, when women are dealing with traffic, deadlines, emergencies, on their own end it is increasing their stress.

When a woman’s stress is increased, it affects their immune system, so she is dealing with the same deadlines, hustle, traffic, standing for hours, but it is not having the same effect on her because her body was not structured for that. What releases her own hormone that eradicates stress for her is called oxytocin.

What makes oxytocin come out is family life.

What helps her to release or relieve stress is oxytocin and oxytocin is found to flow when she feels loved when she sees babies or children and feels she is doing family work well.
You see that as they are pushing you women to go and work, the goal post is never the same. More women are depressed and dying now.

A woman any day will gladly throw away work to go and spend time with her family.

A man will gladly throw away family to go to work.

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